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The future is cone shaped

I do declare, I have seen the future and it is cone shaped!

So I’ve most recently been working with two stellar IT Enterprise companies – one based in the UK, the other in Chicago. I’ve been ‘helping’ them to find their voice in a new and crowded space - smart-arse headlines, groovy pictures yah de yah de yah!

They do stuff that I have little hope of understanding and it makes my eyeballs bleed whenever they try to provide enlightenment. They’re smart (hate them), infuriatingly intelligent (#FFS), hideously young (spit spit), and will one day take over the effing world. Hideous! And even if your kids study hard at school for the obligatory 35 A-stars they’ll no doubt get for spelling their surname correctly (or as near as damnit), they will still only be working for people like SN Developer and Wolfpack as toilet cleaners.

Here’s my best shot. They make it possible for businesses to do whatever it is they do – up there in the Cloud. They integrate this to that, they write lines of something called code to make important stuff happen - somewhere, then they laugh at me in full recognition that my sage nodding has nothing to do with understanding, it’s just a nervous tick.

They also develop apps. No not the apps that lurk unused on your phone cos’ you’ve never worked out how to delete that Inuit dating site. These are apps specifically conceived, designed and deployed to make BIG differences to the way businesses with BIG ambitions do their do. And they’re proprietary apps, meaning they thunked 'em up, they own them, as in products, for sale, to make money, lots of money! Bastards!

My insult portfolio lies fallow. So much so that I’ve resorted to calling them ‘coneheads’ or ‘mekons’. Pretty piddling really and the best a green with envy old crayon pusher can muster. Sniff.

This is the stuff of Cloud, the Internet of Things and other stuff apparantly. They are and

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